My Turn?
So far the highlights of my weekend in Charleston have been playing drunken dodgeball with a tennis ball in a park at 2 a.m. with a guy from Oregon who I later found out was born in 1984 (ACK!!!) and then dancing all Saturday night with a 6-foot-eight 30-year-old investment banker from Minnesota (I swear, I don't know what it is with these Northern guys) who I don't know his name... I also couldn't look at him straight in the face because I was afraid I'd start laughing... he looks just like Adam Sandler, only a freakishly giant version.
As soon as I made it back to the apartment where I'm staying, I noticed I got a drunken phone call (yet again) from the pilot who I dated last fall. Kind of strange.. I thought that after our relationship ended in January and after he got transferred to Seattle I'd never hear from him again, only now he calls me more than ever. Strange.
So, my big question of the weekend is, when is it my turn? I am spending the weekend with my bestfriend, her fiancee, his roommate, and his fiancee, both couples are getting married within a month. The guy they've been talking about "fixing" me up with for the past 6 months decided to propose to his girlfriend of all of 30 days! So, besides drunken rendevous with strange northern guys, my weekend has been filled with conversations of wedding dresses, wedding cakes and honeymoons. Normally it wouldn't bother me.
I've been there before. Somewhere hidden in the depths underneath my bed I have a portfolio of wedding clips that I put together back when I was in a 6-year relationship. I planned the perfect wedding for years. Only the perfect relationship didn't quite pan out. But, This weekend, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous and wonder, when will it be my turn? I've been out in this strange dating world for 10 months now, and I'm getting a little sick of it. Yes, I like the excitement and I don't regret my past decisions.
But, there are some things that I do miss.. I miss waking up almost every morning next to the same person, I miss having someone know you better than anyone else.. having someone who probably knows what you are thinking or feeling without having said a word.. I miss having a person to fill in as a date whenever the occasion arises.. I miss the comfort and stability of having someone who "might" be someone I could spend my life with.
Of course, there is the excitement of not knowing who I will end up with and where my life might lead, and I try to convince myself on a regular basis that God has a plan for me, I just can't try to plan my life out for myself. But, it is hard, and for a dependant person, not being in a relationship is hard. But, I know someone is out there. I just have to trust that and focus on being happy on my own, and not worry about my turn. It'll be my turn when the time is right, and that's not right now.
As soon as I made it back to the apartment where I'm staying, I noticed I got a drunken phone call (yet again) from the pilot who I dated last fall. Kind of strange.. I thought that after our relationship ended in January and after he got transferred to Seattle I'd never hear from him again, only now he calls me more than ever. Strange.
So, my big question of the weekend is, when is it my turn? I am spending the weekend with my bestfriend, her fiancee, his roommate, and his fiancee, both couples are getting married within a month. The guy they've been talking about "fixing" me up with for the past 6 months decided to propose to his girlfriend of all of 30 days! So, besides drunken rendevous with strange northern guys, my weekend has been filled with conversations of wedding dresses, wedding cakes and honeymoons. Normally it wouldn't bother me.
I've been there before. Somewhere hidden in the depths underneath my bed I have a portfolio of wedding clips that I put together back when I was in a 6-year relationship. I planned the perfect wedding for years. Only the perfect relationship didn't quite pan out. But, This weekend, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous and wonder, when will it be my turn? I've been out in this strange dating world for 10 months now, and I'm getting a little sick of it. Yes, I like the excitement and I don't regret my past decisions.
But, there are some things that I do miss.. I miss waking up almost every morning next to the same person, I miss having someone know you better than anyone else.. having someone who probably knows what you are thinking or feeling without having said a word.. I miss having a person to fill in as a date whenever the occasion arises.. I miss the comfort and stability of having someone who "might" be someone I could spend my life with.
Of course, there is the excitement of not knowing who I will end up with and where my life might lead, and I try to convince myself on a regular basis that God has a plan for me, I just can't try to plan my life out for myself. But, it is hard, and for a dependant person, not being in a relationship is hard. But, I know someone is out there. I just have to trust that and focus on being happy on my own, and not worry about my turn. It'll be my turn when the time is right, and that's not right now.
posted by Lydia at 1:52 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home