the guys

I was at a bachelorette party this weekend, talking with the girls when I started to notice a trend.. when girls talk about their ex's.. it's usually never by his name, only "the ______". Like, for instance, I'll almost never talk about an ex by name. It's always "the walker" or "the german" or "the guy I dated forever". At what point does a guy lose the rights to be called by his name and instead is replace by a vague description? Even if the breakup wasn't nasty, it still seems like, after a while, you detach yourself from him and from his name. Last night I said goodbye to "the pilot"- otherwise known to the world as Nate- for the last time. He has been in Oklahoma for the past three months doing more training on the C-17, a huge carrier plane for the air force. He came back to Mississippi yesterday to pick up his stuff in storage and sign some transfer papers before he moves officially to Seattle, for good. I honestly thought that after he got his assignment to Seattle in February that I would never hear from him again, but, it has been quite the opposite. Surprisingly, he has called or emailed usually about once a week or once every couple weeks.. almost as much as he did when we were together. Maybe it's because he's been lonely in Oklahoma, i don't know. But, I'm glad that I got to spend some time with him last night. I cooked steaks on the grill and then we hung out and watched a DVD. We talked, joked around, but things were different than they were a few months ago. There wasn't that sexual tension or that spark. It was just two old friends hanging out with each other one last time. When he left last night he said goodbye to my dog, Lilly, then we gave each other a casual hug, said to keep in touch and to drive safe. Then, he was gone. For good. One year ago yesterday, Nate came to Tuscaloosa for the first time to have lunch at Dreamland with me. I remember being so nervous.. the first time I had talked to some random person that I had met at the beach. But, he's ended up to be a hugely important person to me, not so much because of the time we spent together but because the decisions he helped me make about my career and my adult life. Last night is what I needed. I needed that one, last goodbye. I needed that clean closure. The feelings weren't there anymore, but I'm still glad he came by. I have no regrets about how my life has turned out, and last night was confirmation of that. Saying goodbye to "the pilot" was my way of saying goodbye to a tumultuous past year, and looking forward to my future.