Something was missing...

I woke up this morning and something was missing.

Or rather, I guess I was missing something. There was no ball of brown fur at the end of my bed to crawl up along side of me, stretch her legs and then bury her nose under my arm. No floppy ears to brush against my face as my cocker spaniel Lilly would lick my nose as if to say "Good Morning!!!!". When I got up to take a shower, there was no one following me. Her leash hung on the hook on the wall, but she was not there to sniff it, not there to go outside.

For the past three years, I have been a parent, but not a parent of a child, but an adopted parent of a dog. Ok, so it sounds a little nuts. But to me, my dog is a huge part of my life, something I'm not willing to give up.

I feel like I've give up a lot lately, not really anyone's fault, but a natural part of growing up.. change. Which, btw, I hate change and I've had way too much of it lately. I've given up living as a "single" adult woman out on her own for the first time... after 12 months of it. I've given up my historic neighborhood, something else that I am extremely passionate about, and I've said goodbye to my 100-year old house with its white picket fence and porch swing. I always wanted those things, and now I've given them up in hopes of a happy future with a guy I love. As long as it was Mr. Goatee, Lilly and me, everything would be ok.

But on Tuesday, Mr. Goatee called me, and said that the apartment manager gave us 48 hours to get Lilly out of the apartment or else get fined $500 and get evicted. At first I remained calm, and spent two hours driving around Tuscaloosa trying to find another home, an actual house, that the three of us can call home for the next 12 months. But, then it became apparent that Mr. Goatee didn't want to move. This messes up all of the plans we had made.. to get a house in August, when so many more options are out there.

I had just unpacked the last box the day before we got the news. I didn't want to move either, especially after spending the last two stressful weeks of hell with moving, spraining my ankle, putting stuff in storage and having to clean the old house. But losing Lilly wasn't an option for me. One day without her and I already feel like a huge chunk the happiness of my everyday life is missing.

So, I sent her to spend some time with my mom in Florence until the weekend after New Year's. A friend of mine from work said she would check with her landlord and see if she could take lilly during the day. I think it would be possible to sneak her back to the apartment complex at night, as long as she wasn't there during the apartment manager's office hours. Otherwise, I am going to move somewhere so that Lilly can be with me, even though I hate the thought of moving AGAIN.

But waking up this morning without that big ball of brown fur and floppy ears was just a confirmation that Lilly is more than just a dog to me. And living without her, even temporarily, is just not an option.