A phone call from the pilot

It's been a year since my relationship with the pilot, and yet he keeps popping up in my everyday life. Yes, perhaps I'm a little nostalgic over him for some reason I don't know. He's a good friend and was hot, but as a boyfriend... or whatever our non-descriptive relationship was... he pretty much sucked. It was like dating a self-absorbed fraternity boy, only in the place of his frat brothers was a close knit group of fly boys who were all in air force flight school together.

So one year ago this weekend I was an angel for Halloween and went to a great party in Columbus with the pilot. I can't help that when I go to a football game when the weather is chilly, when I see a pumpkin or people ask if I'm going to dress up for any parties, I think of the pilot and everything that happened last fall. It's not that I wish it would happen again or that I wish I were still with him. I don't. It's just last year was a watershed moment in my life, and the pilot was the cause of a lot of that.

So a year ago I was dating the pilot. Nine months since he officially broke it off. Seven months since I last kissed him. Three months since he came back to Tuscaloosa to say goodbye before leaving for the west coast for good. So why does he keep calling about once a month? Yes, he is a friend, but it's not like we are ever going to live in the same town again or that we would ever get back together. And his calls make things complicated.

For the past week he has called a few times, but i've never been around to talk to him. Last night he called while I was staying at Mr. Goatee's. Mr. Goatee saw who was on the caller id of my cell phone and gave me the phone. I took it to another room. The pilot called to say that in a couple weeks he's going to start flying to Kuwait and Iraq. We talked for about 45 minutes- about our jobs, our friends, politics and where we live- and it felt good to talk to him again. But I also hurt Mr. Goatee at the same time.

He wanted to know why, in such a long conversation with an ex, why he was never mentioned once. He is an important part of my everyday life, and I love Mr. Goatee and want to spend my life with him, but I didn't really have an answer. I don't know why I don't feel comfortable bringing up my current love life with the pilot. I guess the pilot doesn't talk about who he is dating, so I don't talk about it either. I guess I would rather leave it at that. Now, when I get engaged or married, then sure, the pilot will know.

Do I feel bad that I hurt Mr. Goatee? yes. I know I would feel the same in the same situation. But will I bring his name up the next time I talk to the pilot? who knows. The pilot is slowly drifting out of my life. I don't know why he keeps calling. But the longer it is from the time he and I dated, the less nostalgic I will be over him. I am glad that things didn't work out with the pilot, because otherwise I would have never had met the love of my life.