starbucks without a buck

If you told me at this time last year that I'd be living off of my current salary, I probably would have thought I'd hit the jackpot, at least where jobs in newspapers are concerned. But today I faced a much different picture. Standing in line at Starbucks, I had $8 in my account and knew I had to find another $40 before monday to pay a vet bill for a cat that's not even mine. I had to let Mr. Goatee buy my frappchino, knowing that he too is strapped for cash. I felt horrible.

I've never been good with money. But I don't feel like I've been superfluously spending cash either. I bought groceries on sunday and have cooked almost every meal at home since then. I've only gone out to eat three times this week, which, compared to my every-meal habits, is a good record for me. Tonight, I'm continuing the trend by cooking meatloaf and then going to the movies with a gift certificate I got for my birthday in July. But is this how life is?

And I can't help but ask myself, how did my mom do it? She doesn't even make twice what I do now and she somehow supported both my sister and I, bought us both vehicles, put us through college and even allowed us to be in $3,000-a-year sororities. If she could budget so much on so little, why can't I live modestly on my income where I don't get knots in my stomach every time a bill comes through, or have to depend on my credit card for gas?

Then, comes the question of living spaces. I'm going to have to figure something else out soon. I love the place where I live, although it's a bit pricier than what I can afford, obviously, and the rent is going up. But, can I afford anything different? Mr. Goatee mentioned living together. I've never wanted to live with a guy before I got married- call me old fashioned- but the idea of living with someone i love while saving a crapload in rent is rather appealing. It's my mother's scream of terror at the idea and the thought that I'd give my grandmother a stroke that is holding me back from going ahead. That, and the fact that I do love my white-picket fence and porch swing. I'm still an old-fashioned girl at heart.