Stocking up on rubber gloves and masks

Last night Mr. Goatee and I watched a special on the history channel on the plague and a worst-case scenario if the avian bird flu mutates to be the next plague during our lifetimes. They played it like it was going to happen, that it's just a matter of time and when it does happen it is going to spread across the earth and half of the world's population is going to die from it sometime in the next couple years.

It terrified me. I don't want to die from some plague-like disease.

Surely there is some way to stop it, either by quaranteen or vaccinations or something. But if this thing really is going to mutate, what do we do about it? I told Mr. Goatee last night, if this hits, I'm going to buy a shack in the middle of the woods in the Appalachians somewhere, stock up on food and water enough for a year, and go live in extreme isolation.

Ok, so it sounds a little extreme, but seriously. I feel like at least stocking up on masks, rubber gloves and antibacterial soap for now, just to be prepared.

A phone call from the pilot

It's been a year since my relationship with the pilot, and yet he keeps popping up in my everyday life. Yes, perhaps I'm a little nostalgic over him for some reason I don't know. He's a good friend and was hot, but as a boyfriend... or whatever our non-descriptive relationship was... he pretty much sucked. It was like dating a self-absorbed fraternity boy, only in the place of his frat brothers was a close knit group of fly boys who were all in air force flight school together.

So one year ago this weekend I was an angel for Halloween and went to a great party in Columbus with the pilot. I can't help that when I go to a football game when the weather is chilly, when I see a pumpkin or people ask if I'm going to dress up for any parties, I think of the pilot and everything that happened last fall. It's not that I wish it would happen again or that I wish I were still with him. I don't. It's just last year was a watershed moment in my life, and the pilot was the cause of a lot of that.

So a year ago I was dating the pilot. Nine months since he officially broke it off. Seven months since I last kissed him. Three months since he came back to Tuscaloosa to say goodbye before leaving for the west coast for good. So why does he keep calling about once a month? Yes, he is a friend, but it's not like we are ever going to live in the same town again or that we would ever get back together. And his calls make things complicated.

For the past week he has called a few times, but i've never been around to talk to him. Last night he called while I was staying at Mr. Goatee's. Mr. Goatee saw who was on the caller id of my cell phone and gave me the phone. I took it to another room. The pilot called to say that in a couple weeks he's going to start flying to Kuwait and Iraq. We talked for about 45 minutes- about our jobs, our friends, politics and where we live- and it felt good to talk to him again. But I also hurt Mr. Goatee at the same time.

He wanted to know why, in such a long conversation with an ex, why he was never mentioned once. He is an important part of my everyday life, and I love Mr. Goatee and want to spend my life with him, but I didn't really have an answer. I don't know why I don't feel comfortable bringing up my current love life with the pilot. I guess the pilot doesn't talk about who he is dating, so I don't talk about it either. I guess I would rather leave it at that. Now, when I get engaged or married, then sure, the pilot will know.

Do I feel bad that I hurt Mr. Goatee? yes. I know I would feel the same in the same situation. But will I bring his name up the next time I talk to the pilot? who knows. The pilot is slowly drifting out of my life. I don't know why he keeps calling. But the longer it is from the time he and I dated, the less nostalgic I will be over him. I am glad that things didn't work out with the pilot, because otherwise I would have never had met the love of my life.

the groupie girlfriend

I was standing in front of a stage this weekend, listening to a band playing at a bar when I had one of the strangest experiences. I was standing there, listening to the band, shyly moving with the beat, and standing in awe. There was a sea of people around me who were clapping and dancing and singing word-for-word the lyrics of the songs.. songs that i had never heard before. What was strange though, was the feeling that I got from watching my boyfriend, Mr. Goatee, playing lead guitar. Girls were dancing in front of the stage, going crazy over the band. (It didn't help that the lead singer, Goatee's bestfriend, was hot.) They were singing every word along with him.. words that he wrote, a song that he created. I stood there in awe, staring at him. He was awesome. And I couldn't believe that he's mine. I couldn't believe that this guy who was rocking his heart out in a band reunion concert was the same guy who goes to work everyday wearing a tie, the same guy who rubs my back when I have cramps, surprises me with flowers at work and takes my dog out in the middle of the night so I can sleep. There were girls going nuts over his band.. his songs.. but this was the first time I had heard him play electric, the first time I had heard him in public. I was used to private concerts.. him playing his acoustic to lull me to sleep. It was a very different side to him, Saturday. But I loved every bit of it. Because despite the huge crowds, despite all the pretty college girls standing in front of the stage, Mr. Goatee was starring at only one. me.